Goodbye Ruby Tuesday Read online

  ‘Well, that was definitely Ruby,’ Chelsea shrugged, ‘just when you think everything’s settled, she manages to bowl you over with a brand new surprise.’

  ‘That crazy bitch!’ Evie exhaled, lying back on the grass, ‘I can’t even…’

  ‘She wants to give us our teenage dreams,’ Mollie said simply, smiling. ‘We were her friends for a couple of years when we were teenagers, and we’re the ones she wants to leave her legacy to. Isn’t that sad?’

  ‘I think it’s sweet, actually.’ Chelsea said softly, ‘She still thought our dreams mattered. Ten years later and that’s what she was bothered about.’

  ‘We can’t take it,’ Evie said simply, not looking at them. ‘It’s ridiculous, isn’t it?’

  What she really wanted to say was: okay, how about it? Want to run away and use our dead superstar friend’s studio to make our dreams come true? But somehow that not only seemed childish but… well, selfish.

  ‘Why not?’

  ‘We can’t just… live her dream for her.’

  Mollie looked up sharply, ‘But we could sublet the studio space for six months and use the money. Ruby wanted a better life for all of us. Do you think I want to be stuck living with my mum? Think I want to raise my daughter around a woman like that, drunk and bitter and spiteful? If Ruby knew what our lives were like, maybe she’d want us to have that money. She’d want us to have a fresh start.’

  Neither of them had ever seen Mollie angry. Sad, disappointed, biting her lip to keep quiet – sure, those were Mollie-type things to do. But Mollie never got angry, because that’s just who she was. Living with her mum must have been hell if she was going to get so worked up.

  Evie said nothing, but her lips were a thin line. It wouldn’t be right. But maybe that was because she still wanted exactly what Ruby wanted to give them. The little art gallery where all would be welcome.

  ‘She must have known we might not have the same dreams we had at sixteen though, right?’ Chelsea rationalised, ‘People grow up.’

  ‘Is that something to be proud of?’ Evie said bitterly, leaning up on her elbows to look at Chelsea. Chelsea had been the most exquisite dancer she’d ever seen. Everything about how she moved could tell a story, whether there was music or not. Tap, ballet, hip-hop. Chelsea just loved to move, like her body didn’t just house her soul, but it was her soul. The only relic of that version of her was her excellent posture. It seemed wrong.

  ‘Why, was she right about you, Eves? Are you nailing Barbie heads to canvas?’ Chelsea’s voice was challenging, and Evie remembered every fight they’d ever had, the squabbles and the all-out screaming matches, usually a case of hurt pride. She was older and wiser now. She hoped.

  ‘I make jewellery that may or may not include plastic doll bits,’ she smiled, ‘and I was trying to make it happen here. But let’s be real – an arts centre in Badgeley? I tried to set up a life drawing class last month; four people turned up, laughed at the model’s dick and reported me to the Neighbourhood Watch. Art is never going to happen here.’

  ‘So you do have that same dream? The one Ruby wanted for us?’ Mollie smiled, her whole face soft and light in the sun.

  Evie pursed her lips in embarrassment, ‘That’s stupid, isn’t it? Chelsea’s gone off and has a big important job, and you made a person, and I’m here wanting to do the same stupid thing I wanted to do when I was a teenager. It’s pathetic.’

  ‘It’s not… it’s just, well, we have lives,’ Mollie soothed. ‘I can’t just leave my kid and my job and start up a business that may not work. It’s not… realistic.’

  ‘Neither’s being left a studio space by a dead school friend,’ Chelsea shrugged. ‘And for the record, I don’t have a big important job.’

  ‘Can you explain it in less than three words?’ Evie asked.

  Chelsea opened her mouth, paused, closed it again.

  ‘Lots of paperwork?’ she offered. ‘No wait, let me try again. Project Management Bullshit.’

  ‘Do I have to be polite and ask what that entails?’ Evie said.

  ‘Please spare us both. It’s not worth explaining.’

  Chelsea sighed, looking at the two of them. They were both stuck here. She’d made it – at least, she’d made it out of their crappy town. She had a well-paid job and a lovely boyfriend, but… sure, she still wanted to dance. Back when they’d been hatching this plan, they’d decided Chelsea would teach dance. First, she’d be an international dancing superstar, and then she’d return, and they’d all get together again, and she’d teach all the little girls how to dance. They wouldn’t just be the posh little girls either, they’d be the ones off the estate, the same place as her. They’d get funding and teach anyone who wanted to learn. That was the dream. But it was silly. She didn’t even continue dancing at uni. Too much pressure.

  The silence stretched on. ‘It’s a lovely dream though,’ Mollie sighed. ‘I could make cakes. I always wanted a place to create delicious things, play, make fun stuff. Me and Ez cook together all the time… when the old bat is out of the house, obviously.’

  ‘You were going to teach drama classes, remember? All those little kids who wanted to learn how to lie, and you were going to teach them,’ Evie smiled, remembering the day mild, sweet-mannered Mollie told them she wanted to be involved in that plan, that she wanted to share something that she could do.

  Mollie’s face hardened a little, ‘It’s a beautiful dream, and a beautiful gesture, but… we can’t. We have lives, and we can’t just turn them upside down because Ruby–’

  ‘Died?’ Evie offered, eyebrow raised.

  ‘…wanted us to,’ Mollie finished stiffly. ‘Believe me, I’d love to just run away, but I’m a mum now. I’ve got to be responsible.’

  Evie knew she was fighting a battle that wouldn’t be won, and she wasn’t even sure she wanted to win, but she had to keep talking, keep trying. ‘Wouldn’t it be better for Esme to see her mum trying for her dreams? To see her be brave and take a risk? Surely anything is better than being with your mum?’

  Mollie’s eyes flashed, ‘Really, have you seen the shared accommodation they offer to a single teenage mum? Just because you had to come back after art school, you think you know what it’s like to make a life here? At least you got those three years in London! I was meant to be an actress. I had that space on the stage waiting for me when I left here – Ophelia. I was going to be Ophelia and here I am, working in fucking Greggs! Baking cakes and pretending I’m a caterer! Don’t try to tell me what my child needs, because I am doing the fucking best I can.’

  Evie and Chelsea looked at each other, and then back at Mollie. Mollie never said the f-word. She even called it ‘the f-word’. Even before Esme was born, that was just Mollie.

  ‘I… I am so, so sorry Molls. Really,’ Evie grabbed her hand, and could feel as her friend relented.

  She blinked, ‘It’s fine, don’t worry about it. Just… don’t act like I haven’t dreamed about running away. More than once.’

  ‘Come on Chels, let’s hear your reasons. Why don’t you want to?’ Evie switched the focus, trying for playful in her tone, but feeling like a bully. That naughty girl, Evie Rodriguez, causing trouble in the playground again. When all she wanted was for them to play with her and join in the game.

  Chelsea pursed her lips, blonde bob swinging as she thought about it, ‘Hmm,’ she ticked off the points on her fingers, ‘already have a job, live in London, have a boyfriend, didn’t carry on dancing so I can’t teach, don’t really know how I’d be of any bloody use and… well, I have my life now. It’s not amazing, but it’s pretty damn good. Good enough not to sacrifice.’

  ‘She didn’t even say where the studio space was.’ Mollie made a face. ‘What if it was abroad, or somewhere far away and impossible?’

  ‘It was Ruby, she would have thought it through,’ Chelsea admitted, not sure why she was suddenly fighting the cause. She had a life, one she couldn’t leave.

  ‘So I guess that’s that, then
,’ Evie said, trying not to sound bitter about it all. It was just like the school trip to Devon. She was insistent they all go, but Chelsea didn’t want to sacrifice time studying, Mollie didn’t have the money, and Ruby never made a decision before it was clear what was already going to happen. Evie was the only one who saw the possibilities, when the rest were full of excuses and reasons why it wouldn’t work. In the end she’d forced them into it, and it hadn’t been easy. She’d applied for the financial aid for Mollie, talking to their teacher about how Mollie was too proud to admit she couldn’t afford to go, so please tell her she’d won a special prize. Then she discussed the dangers of Chelsea’s focused vision with the school guidance counsellor, labouring the amount of teenagers turning to amphetamines to stay up studying, especially when there was a university like Oxford on the line. Suddenly, both of them were on their way, and all Ruby and Evie had to do was look at each other like they were surprised, shrug and get packing. Evie was sure she couldn’t manipulate her friends out of their lives as easily as she’d manipulated them onto a surfboard, but there was a childish part of her that really wanted to try.

  ‘Let’s just finish the wine and remember our friend,’ Chelsea shrugged, reaching for the bottle.

  ‘Yeah, let’s not waste time trying to catch up on each other’s lives, there’s no point I suppose?’ Evie grumbled at her.

  ‘What do you want from me, Evie? You want to sit here and catch up on what we’ve done for the last ten years? When none of that has anything to do with Ruby? I’d rather remember her, instead of telling you about what I’ve done and watching you search for reasons to get pissed at me, because I left and you didn’t.’

  Evie tugged at her hair, twisting a dark curl around her fingers. Chelsea had a point. She was jealous that Chelsea got to have that life, and she’d spend time attacking her. It wouldn’t even be on purpose, but jealousy and loss work that way.

  ‘I think maybe Evie would just like you to at least feign interest in what we’ve done in the last ten years,’ Mollie said kindly, patting her hand. ‘Just because we weren’t in a city doesn’t mean we didn’t do anything.’

  ‘I know,’ Chelsea grinned, ‘you created a human being.’

  Mollie nodded, smiling, and even Evie chuckled a little.

  ‘I’m sorry,’ Chelsea sighed, inspecting her French manicure. ‘I know I sound like a cold hard bitch. I do care. It’s all just so… exhausting.’ She turned to them, hoping they’d see what she saw. The sun was setting; the day had been emotional, horrible, shocking and somehow, briefly, comforting too. ‘Look, I’m staying at the Banner Hotel on the high street. Why don’t you two come and have breakfast with me tomorrow before I go? We could catch up on us then. But tonight, I think tonight should be for Ruby, and for the past.’

  Evie lifted her near-empty plastic glass, ‘I’ll drink to that… on one condition.’

  ‘Which is?’

  ‘We go and have a real drink in a real place, because as much as I love nostalgia, I’m pretty sure my arse is damp from the grass.’

  ‘Agreed.’

  Seeing three grown women fall out of a hedge onto the high street – laughing and clutching a near-empty bottle of pink Lambrini – might have surprised some people, but to the residents of Badgeley it was strangely fitting for the day when their biggest troublemaker finally left for good.

  ***

  ‘Why are you always in here?’ Evie looked up from her sketchpad to see a pale girl with bright red hair grinning at her.

  ‘They realised it’s the only time I turn up for detention.’ Evie scowled, tucking her pink-tipped black curls behind her ears and returning to her drawing.

  ‘What did you get detention for?’ The redhead moved closer, leaning on the desk. No one usually hung around school after hours, especially not the art department. It was the emptiest part of the school, littered with broken pencils and sad excuses for paint pots. And yet, Evie always found it to be soothing, the emptiness. There was no one there to wind her up, to push her buttons and try and control her. No teachers telling her she could have a real future if she could just sort out her attitude. No mother looking disappointed, getting calls from the school and sighing at her. No Bill, telling her she was stupid and ungrateful. In the quiet of the room after hours, her blood didn’t suddenly start to boil the minute one more person told her she was worthless. School seemed pointless, and she could go through the motions as much as the next person, but there was no point hoping for anything else, everyone knew the truth – she was a troublemaker and she had no future.

  ‘This dickhead grabbed my tits in Chemistry, so I kneed him in the balls.’

  ‘How can they give you detention for self defence?’

  ‘It was probably that as he was hunched over in pain like a little baby, he knocked over a Bunsen burner and set fire to his trousers.’

  The girl smirked and shrugged, pulling at the worn sleeve of her uniform, ‘His fault.’

  ‘Probably didn’t help that I was laughing my arse off,’ Evie sniggered. ‘I’ve noticed they like it a lot more if you seem contrite. And I don’t really do that.’

  The red-haired girl nodded like she was considering it, ‘Fair enough. There’s no point being fake just to please them. They should have stuck him in detention for harassment anyway. But that’s just the way the world works.’

  ‘Maybe it is.’

  The thought was depressing when you admitted it out loud, Evie realised. The girl moved forward and looked at Evie’s drawing, so she turned the book a little so she could see. It was comic book style, featuring a cartoon of big-eyed boy clutching his crotch as flames started to lick at his knees. On the blackboard behind him, written over and over again was the phrase “I shall not touch girls without their consent”.

  The girl laughed, freckles on her nose twitching as she nodded at Evie with something that looked like respect. ‘I’m Ruby.’

  ‘The new girl,’ Evie nodded uncertainly, ‘I’m Evie.’

  Ruby grinned like she’d known that all along.

  Chapter Two

  Evie didn’t sleep that night, her mind dancing with all the possibilities that Ruby had offered them. The evening had been long and drunken, and whilst the girls had promised themselves they wouldn’t talk about their new lives, inevitably they had bled through into their stories. Evie knew most of Mollie’s stories, at least when it came to Esme, being her godmother, but even she was surprised by some of the tidbits that emerged. Chelsea, well, she seemed embarrassed by how well she was doing, which wasn’t like the Chelsea they’d known at all. She had been painfully focused. All her energy went into proving people wrong, showing them she could do anything. Now she seemed… faded. Maybe that’s what happens when you have no one doubting you any more. You give up the fight.

  Evie knew they could do this, and she wasn’t quite ready to give up the fight for Ruby’s dream. Yes, that was selfish, but there it was. She brushed her hair, covered up the dark circles under her eyes with some foundation and started walking into town. All around, the high street seemed to be back to normal, as if they hadn’t buried a superstar yesterday. Evie pounded down the street, noting the pound shops that seemed to have multiplied, the chicken shops and empty shop fronts. Badgeley was not a town that was improving any time soon, and the desperate need to escape was burning away inside her.

  She marched into the Banner, the only decent hotel in town, and saw Mollie and Chelsea already sitting with coffees in the restaurant. Mollie’s eyes looked red, and Chelsea’s mouth was a thin line. Something had happened.

  ‘Anyone else’s heads pounding this morning?’ Evie asked as she slid into a seat next to Mollie.

  ‘You have no idea,’ Chelsea said carefully, looking at Mollie, ‘I haven’t eaten a fry up in about four years, and that’s exactly what I’m after today.’

  She looked a little less intimidating today, Evie noted, her hair was softer, make-up was more natural and she was wearing jeans. If she’d put on some m
ore eyeliner and some massive hoop earrings from Argos, she might have looked something like the girl they’d known.

  ‘How about you Molls, fry up?’ Evie tried to get Mollie to look up, but she tapped her fingers on the table.

  ‘Yeah, sure… whatever.’

  ‘What did she do now?’ Evie asked, straightforward. Mollie’s head whipped up. ‘Your mum?’

  Mollie’s hands clenched on the table, her whole body tense. The waiter arrived to take their order, and they waited until he disappeared before talking.

  ‘I got home last night, and not only was she drunk as usual, but she was smoking weed in the living room. With my baby girl upstairs. Esme said she came downstairs because something smelled funny and she thought the flat was on fire.’

  ‘Is she okay?’ Chelsea asked.

  ‘Oh yeah, she’s fine,’ Mollie said bitterly, ‘it was only when this morning she mentioned that Nanny was dancing around and tried to make her smoke some of her funny cigarette that I lost my shit. I can’t stay there any more, I can’t! I’m out for one night, one night in years, and she can’t act like a normal human being.’

  ‘Oh Molls,’ Evie clasped her hand, and Mollie looked up.

  ‘I think I can do this. If you have a plan, if you think we can make Ruby’s dream work, we’ll come with you. Six months to make the place viable, make it make money. I can’t stay in Badgeley. I can’t live here and die here and know I never did anything with my life.’

  ‘For real?!’ Evie’s face threatened to crack with the power of her smile.

  ‘It’s got to be planned Evie, I’m talking military precision. I’m not leaving till we’ve got an income and a home lined up,’ Mollie said seriously. ‘At least it’s the summer so I’ll have ages to register Ez with a new school…’

  Chelsea looked back and forth between them, silent as the food was put down in front of them. Suddenly her stomach numbed. They were going to do this? Without her?